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Poetry – Balding Gracefully

man in white shirt using macbook pro

Let me introduce Dennis
He’s my very best mate
He is a man exceptionally worried
That he’ll be bald by thirty-eight

I told him not to panic
That he should curb his pride
That it’s all just part of ageing
So to just enjoy the ride

Dennis was not to be deterred
Yet his plan he wouldn’t say
Dennis searched for an online shop
And bought himself a toupee

That first night in the pub
He strutted about all proud
Then a gust of wind from an open door
Blew the hairpiece to the crowd

My friend yelled in distress
Other drinkers gave a cheer
Poor Dennis ran, his mood morose
While I finished his beer

His next plan was caffeine shampoo
He got from the dark net
From some shady Columbian Pharmacy
Owned by an even shadier vet

For days I didn’t see him
He was avoiding me I thought
Until he knocked upon my door
Dishevelled and distraught

His nose was red, his eyes withdrawn
His skin blotchy and red
An itchy, uncomfortable allergy began
When he put the shampoo on his head

We sat down and had a drink
Talking about this, those and that
Dennis was inconsolable
Then sighing I took off my hat

You’re bald as well, he exclaimed
I never would have guessed
Due to all that luxurious bushy hair
That peeks up from your chest

It’s true I said it’s time you knew
We are now more than just friends
We’re brothers in arms, side by side
I no longer will pretend

So now when we are in the pub
We stand sup away quite happily
Dennis and I, I and Dennis
Both of us balding gracefully

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